AMANDA.

Saturday, April 25, 2009, 7:30 PM

Guilt.

I know you won't see this. Its meant to be small

And so i saw you lying in pain. I had so much to say to a friend whom i had drifted apart from. So much. But it seemed like your life revolved around the others. As if you don't care about your primary school friends no more. Almost all of us waited for 6 hours, and we got to see you for less than 1 hour. Sorry for crying. I hate seeing my friends like this. You screamed and screamed. But it wasn't th DLSS peeps that prepped you up anymore. WE had so much to say, but none of us got the chance to. But they, they could say all they wanted.

Almost all of us felt as if you didn't wanna see us. But on the contrary, It might have been that you wanted to see us, but didn't get the chance to, cause they were like, breathing down your neck. But maybe not, since you pulled her to you. WE don't care about how you look now, or what state you're in. Friends don't care about looks. WE all were so darn worried and anxious, but what chance did we get? NONE. I don't mean to blame them, since they were, apparently , your first piority. Or so it seemed. I honestly felt that you couldn't care less about our existence.

But yeah, I thank you sooo much for the effort to raise your hand to say hi. It made me feel better. And i just want you to know , that we'll all be there for you. You have us to talk to at anytime. God have you a chance this time round. You know the pain. Wake up to reality and face the facts. There are millions out there who are worse off. If everyone took things the same way you did, there would prolly be no one left on earth. Please, i beg of you, don't do such a thign again. As a friend, you mean a hell lot to me.

Thanks for always making me smile with your seriously crappy jokes. Thanks for telling me the truth, even know you knew it was gonna hurt me, but you said it anyway so i could get over it. Thanks for being the one i could cry to on the phone, and you'd tell me some racist stuff and get me back on my feet. You were the one i cried to when my best friend and i fought. But what have i ever done for you? Thanks for that listening ear of yours. I hate the fact that we're drifting. I really do regret not keepin in close touch with you.

You were supposed to come to my church one day, remember? You promised . And boy am i gonna seize the chance to take you there one day. Maybe thats why God gave you a chance. Already, seeing you in that damned state, made me cry till me eyes turned sore. What if you lost it all? Don't be such a fool. Please. You know that there are so many out there who still care for you. Although i don't know th main reason, I know that you're not the only one facing it, but you must've been one of those that took it the wrong way.

Right now, you've gotta pull yourself together. Look at yourself. I don't wanna see you this way. No one does. Get back on your feet, and stop grumbling. I wanna see you laugh and joke around like you always do. I wanna see you tease me and call me names. I wanna see you get a proper and straight life. I wanna see you push me around and dare me to do stuff. I wanna listen to your rants and let you listen to mine. I wanna bitch about others with you again. I wanna slang my twang.I wanna see you the way you were back in primary school.

At least a smile. Just one, to assure everyone that you're fine, please. If i were you, i'd be teasing myself on the damned bed. You once said i was one of your closest friends around. I wanna hear that again. Face life and treat it well. All of us miss you.

I know you saw us crying.Why couldn't you at least assure us you won't do it again? I'm in doubt of you now, really. I'm afraid this might just happen again. But i'll pray for you. AMANDA.PETER.PATRICK, i wanna see you callin yourself that again. Thinking of that used to make me smile, now it makes me cry. I so hate you for doing this.

Life is vulnerable. Once you've lost it, you don't get it back. Spare a thought for those around you, at least. Don't be such an ass again. Promise me.